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One if his most famous wins, however, came on stage 4 of the 2015 Tour de France when he jumped clear of the peloton to win alone in Cambrai to not only take a well-deserved victory but the yellow jersey too. Those fans who have recently come to the sport will have seen Martin relentlessly ride on the front of the peloton in the aid of chasing down breaks for the likes of Primož Roglič or Wout van Aert but in his heyday, Martin was phenomenal against the clock too. Then came a Classics phase that bridged between Etixx-QuickStep and two missing years at Katusha, before the German remodelled himself as the personification of the perfect teammate at Jumbo Visma. From 2010-2016 he was one, if not the, best time trialist in the world with four rainbow jerseys and countless other wins against the clock. Martin’s career can be dissected into three phases.
#Stuart little memes pro#
Martin celebrates Germany's Mixed Relay TTT win with his teammates at the Leuven Worlds, his final race as a pro (Image credit: Tim de Waele/Getty Images) I didn't feel capable mentally of maintaining the level of performance I had over the last years so that's why I decided to stop." Tony Martin (Jumbo-Visma), age 36
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To maintain this level you have to basically never switch off and that's tiring. “Obviously, physically I could continue for a number of years but everybody underestimates the mental toll this sport takes on you and the sacrifice you have to make at home, and the commitment," Martin told Cyclingnews at Il Lombardi, the final race in his illustrious career. His final year saw him remain competitive at the Giro, but mentally it was time to move on. Three consecutive top-ten finishes in the Tour between 20 demonstrated his class, and in an age where cycling has become defined by watt-watching science and a resurgence of non-climbers becoming mountain goats, Martin was almost a throwback to the pure climbers who could dovetail one-day ambitions with stage racing hopes. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.He won Liège-Bastogne-Liège and Il Lombardia in his prime but supplemented those Monument wins with stages in all three Grand Tours, as well as top-ten GC finishes in the Tour, Giro and Vuelta to boot. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job.
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A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no.